3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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