walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize