Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
