i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
