im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize