you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
