dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
