According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
