I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
