Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize