i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I forgot wine drunk hurts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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