Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
