Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
FUCK WHALES
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
