girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
