she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
