how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
