I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
