She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
