Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
