The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
