my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
