when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
