I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
