I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
