My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
