My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
