i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize