It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
