I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Randomize
