Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
