sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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