So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
