The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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