I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
