I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
