Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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