Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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