I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
