i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize