Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
