feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize