I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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