We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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