After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
