Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
