I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
