This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You are the jesus of drinking
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
