Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
