I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
