please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
