i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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