you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
