Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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