Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
