No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
