She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
