I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
