The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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