Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
