absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
