youre lurking in front of me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
