Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
