I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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