You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
