the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
